I’ve felt like a reject since I was a youngin. I never really fit in. Friends come and go throughout the years. Nobody really stuck with me except a family my mom was close with since high school. And same with my best friend. We knew each other from birth. Literally. We brothers from different mothers.

We’d see each other a lot. Basically grew up with him and his family. I remember being young and innocent. Playing Army and cruising in my power wheel. I was happy. Times were much simpler.

My dad was gone a lot at the time. He went to Iraq. My friend’s dad was abusive towards his mom.

We both didn’t have a consistent male role model. Eventually my parents split up and I moved to Graham. My friend moved a lot. Went to a new school almost every year.

I went to Graham Elementary for kindergarten and half of first grade, it was fun. I had that young, innocent outlook on life. I wanted to be so many things like a football player and zookeeper. I learned to read, write, all that good stuff.

I had two friends at school too. We were a trio. We did just about everything together in class. We collected ants at recess. We played red rover. I remember one time we were playing, some girl ran between me and this other kid. She didn’t break through, so me and this kid bumped heads really hard. I was knocked out. Then I open my eyes and everyone is circled around me just staring at me. The teacher had me rest in the classroom for a little while. Looking back, that shit was funny. But it hurt.

There was two girls I had a crush on too. One girl was a white girl, the other was a cute little brown skin. They didn’t know it, but they both were my girlfriends. I remember one of my mom’s friends used to call me a pimp daddy or something like that, I don’t really remember. But I guess I was a player regardless. I’d talk to both of them at different times. I don’t know where I got that game from. I just had it. Probably because my dad played a lot of Pimp C and Too $hort. Bitch was my favorite word to hear.

Kindergarten went by fast. I woke up, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went to school. Learned, macked, had fun, and enjoyed my life.

Had a lot of problems at home, parents argued, same meals everyday, just poor and my father was getting in trouble with the law.

School was my escape.

Outside of school I played catch with my father whenever he was home. But for the most part I just played with my G.I. Joe’s by myself and played video games. There was a neighbor kid I’d play with sometimes. But he was a cry baby and annoyed me. So I stopped after a while. My mom’s friends brought their kids over and we’d go to their houses too. But it wasn’t a regular thing. I was isolated pretty much. I just kept to myself. I never really talked much.

School was my time to interact. But when school was over. I was just alone in my room, lost in my imagination.

Then first grade came. We were moving out of the duplex. I remember me and my little sister decided to color all over the halls before people came to check out the place. My parents were pissed. They had to scrub it off the walls.

My mom was leaving my dad, so we packed our stuff and brought it to my grandparent’s house.

We moved from Puyallup to Graham. I went from Graham Elementary to Rocky Ridge Elementary. It was a big transition for me. I left my friends, and I was in a new enviroment. Both at home and school.

When I first went to Rocky Ridge, I didn’t talk to no one. I was quiet. At home I was quiet too. I was never much of a talker. I would be alone in my room playing with my toys or whatever.

I used to spike my hair all the time in first grade. I either spiked my bangs or spiked my whole head. I used a lot of gel. This one kid thought I was cool. So we became friends pretty quickly. We paired up all the time when we read books and made art.

I made a class buddy but I still didn’t have a lot of friends. At recess I tried to play basketball, but I either got picked last or I didn’t get picked at all and shot the ball by myself. I never really cared to be a part of any group or anything so I wasn’t tripping. But I enjoyed playing competitive sports.

That’s pretty much how 1st grade goes. I keep to myself but I’m not shy. I was alone in my room a lot. So I was alone a lot at school too, but I socialized in class.

Over the summer I don’t recollect any important events. I went to the homie’s house a lot. That’s my extended family. It just felt right spending time with them. I really fit in. They embraced me for me, moreso than my own family. Not to say my blood relatives didn’t embrace me. It just felt different. The wavelength matched.

We built an unbreakable bond.

2nd grade came. Similar deal as 1st grade. Except I got more expressive in class. I started meshing with other kids more. Made some classroom friends. But it was the same deal. I just didn’t really connect to anyone.

I had my first girlfriend. She was a Mexicana. But she moved to California a month later. Then came back 3 months later with no eyebrows. I wasn’t feeling it.

It’s funny looking back on it now. I just do my thing, I never really talked to her. Then she just asked me out. After that, she sat next to me and shit. But I never really talked to her a lot. I was always more of a listener and observer than a talker.

I only spoke when I felt l needed to. Other than that I was quiet. I would get hype from time to time. But I was usually calm and collected.

The summer was the same as usual.

3rd grade, same shit.

I played alone in my room. Sometimes I would just sit there looking at the wall thinking. Sometimes I would play catch by myself in the backyard. Occassionally there would be a family party, or I’d go to the homie’s house or they’d come here.

Then we get to 4th grade. I’ve always questioned shit. But I started to become a little more rebellious. Mostly due to mental issues I developed from my father leaving as well as having to deal with problems by myself. Not saying my family neglected me. I just kept everything to myself.

I started hanging with trouble makers. I started to be a part of a group. I was always an individual. But now I felt the need to be a part of something for various reasons. I stopped caring about school. I just felt like it wasn’t me. I didn’t fit in. So I rejected it. Also, I thought talking back to my teacher was fun.

I got punished. Both grounded and getting hit. So I eventually stopped. But I kept the same attitude towards school. I still got decent grades because I am smart, just not as good as they could’ve been.

The reason why I started acting out and felt the need to be a part of something was due to the fact that I developed depression over the years. But I realized that you can still be lonely while being surrounded by people. So I stopped following the crowd.

So I continue on to the end of 6th grade. On the way there it’s the same shit. But I created a few really good friendships. I graduate. There’s a big ceremony. My family is excited. We go out to dinner. I had a fat smile on my face the whole time.

It’s crazy though. All through elementary. I only went to 3 or 4 birthday parties. Never had one of my own. My grandpa would always ask if I had any friends. I simply just enjoyed time to myself. Only people I really cared to spend time with outside of my family was the homie and his family. I kept my circle small since a youngin. In terms of friendships. Quality is far more valuable than quantity. I just preferred having a few really close friends than being cool with everyone.

You could say my childhood was boring, I disagree. I had a lot of fun moments. Going to the fair with my family and friends, cookouts, playing basketball at parks, lots of shit. But I found writing and reading to be more fun than riding rides. Plus, I was a video game fanatic.

Looking back on my childhood. I was a thinker. I was an individual. I would piss some of my elders off because I would question what they said and I came up with concepts and complex arguments. I never went off what I’m told. There was times when I was influenced by my peers and I went with the flow of things. But I generally stayed true to myself and stayed independent.

Mi vida loca I guess.

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