Sexual abuse often gets swept under the rug, but sadly, it’s common amongst us kids. Lots of kids have been raped and molested. Even more have been sexually harassed. It’s crazy.
Adults get traumatized and scarred from sexual abuse. Imagine what happens to a teenager? Or even a small child?
Especially when that person who abused them is someone they trust like an uncle or an older cousin or someone they’re close to.
It’s extremely hard to cope with, it breeds other problems later on in their life, and it hovers over them until they can find it within themselves to accept it for what it is and move on. But most kids aren’t born with that ability, they need someone to teach them that. They despirately need someone to show them the light. When the people that are the ones who need to teach them, are also the same people who hurt them and show them the darkness in our reality. They get lost and they feel isolated. They can’t seek help. But they can’t get through it alone. So they seek comfort from someone else. They become attached to that person whether it’s a relationship or friendship. When they become attached, they can’t let go, even if their friend or significant other abuses them too. They get addicted to the good feelings, although they face plenty of sadness and pain. Like a heroin addict. They enjoy the feeling of the high, despite the pain of the needle. Unless if someone steps in, they stay stuck in this cycle of pleasure and pain. Until they decide they’ve had enough, then they lay lifeless in a pool full of tears, and a trail of regrets. Regretting their own existence.
That’s sad, makes my eyes water up, because I see this happening to people I consider close. But I can’t help if they bottle up, like I did.
There’s this young lady I know, who at the age of six, was molested by her uncle. He took her to a room by themselves and took advantage of her little innocence. Then her father came in the room and shot him dead.
You’re very impressionable at that age, you look up to your elders. You watch and observe them. You learn from them. You trust them. Then he goes and does this. Touching her in places that she should’ve NEVER been touched. That makes my blood boil, but makes me wonder about what’s going through her head now. I can’t imagine, but I try to understand.
You love your uncle. You trust your uncle. But… when your elder takes advantage of your innocence. When your own blood wants to harm you in this way just to stimulate their desire for you at a young age. You’re scarred for life. That’s going to be with you your whole life. There’s nothing you can do about it. Without proper support and care, you become a broken person. Then to top if off with the death of your uncle at the hands of your father, right in front of you. It makes me want to cry. That’s just, awful. This creates trust issues. This creates anxiety. This creates depression. It leads to so many psychological issues. Victims of sexual abuse tend to befriend or date people in attempt to fill a void, or to heal a wound. Even if those people are toxic, they need someone there. They stay reserved to themselves and open up when they feel comfortable with that person. Whether they open up because they’re despirately in need help, or for some reason, they trust you. Knowing this about someone is, complex and tricky. Does she have feelings for me? Is she asking for help, hoping I get the hint? Does she sense that I’m broken too, that I’m trust worthy? Lots of questions pop up in my head as she tells me her darkest secret. At the time I lacked the connection between emotions and communication, plus, I was high and I’ve been attracted to her for a while. I wanted to ask how she feels, if she’s okay, and just give her a hug. Comfort her, but I was scared to. I don’t know why I was, but she almost made me cry in class. Instead of doing all that, I let her know a dark secret too. What happened to me over the summer and the shit I was currently dealing with. In the middle of my story, I notice that she’s about to cry, head’s down. I stop and ask if she’s alright, she was about to cry. I was trying to hold it together myself, my voice got shaky telling it. So I stop telling her what happened. I start cracking some shitty jokes. Make her smile, make her feel happy, even if it’s for a moment. She deserves that. We all do.
These victims get stuck. Only a few are able to get over it and not let it effect them. And by a few I mean a small handful. Some are able to detach themselves later on in life, some sooner than others. The majority deal with it the rest of their lives until someone else helps them, or they unfortunately take their own lives.
An old friend of mine was raped by his uncle when he was a youngin. He tells me this walking to his crib after smoking and playing basketball. No one ever heard about it. He just kept it to himself. Until that day, he just opened up about it out of no where. I can tell he’s been dwelling on it for a long time and finally worked the nerve to let it out. I took care of the the homie. I fed him when he had nothing to eat, gave him all my clothes when he barely had any. I gave him all my kindness and let him know everything about me, so he decided to let me know everything about him. His uncle took him to a room where they can be alone and raped him. Nobody knew about it except them two. Until he told me. He said that he was shook for a little, then said he realized terrible shit happens to people. So he accepted what happened and moved on. Then we light a couple Newports talking about shitty experiences we’ve had. It’s crazy. He got raped but never left it faze him. Or is that what he’s saying on the surface? He still has to feel that pain from time to time, you can’t just get over shit like that. Maybe he’s a strong individual, regardless, we don’t associate with each other anymore. Can’t trust everybody I guess.
One of my homegirls told me about all the times she got raped by family. When she was 8, her grandparents went on a trip. So they had her mom, who’s a meth addict, watch her while they were gone. Her mother had a bunch of people over for a party, she passed out. My homegirl got molested while she was trying to take a piss. And she kept it to her self because she didn’t want to get in trouble. At the age of 12, when her mother was at work, her cousin raped her. She didn’t tell anyone and confined herself to her room until her cousin moved out. Eventually she told her mom, but, it didn’t help at all. Her mom got mad at her, stop talking to her for awhile. She beat her daughter and starved her, so my homegirl was malnourished. She got diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder, depression, and the doctor gave her anger meds. Her mother didn’t put food in the house for 3 months, so my homegirl had to steal food. One time, her mom bashed her head into walls, stepped on her head, kicked her in the stomach, punched her. The homegirl had 2 broken ribs and a fractured cheek bone. Just last summer, over a year ago, she got molested by her little brother’s dad’s friend. Couple months after that, some guy tried to rape her, but luckily, her cousins caught him in time. She picked up tobacco, alcohol and drug addictions. All this happened before I met her. It’s crazy, the journey some people are stuck going through. It’s awful.
Girls are taken advantage of more than boys. But it’s still as important to know that boys get raped and molested too.
Sexual harassment is a very big problem amongst this generation. More specifically the guys. We tend to be more insensitive to what makes a female uncomfortable. We know what the fuck consent is, yet act dumb and intentionally take advantage of women. Not all of us but enough to make it a problem.
Us dudes think it’s okay to slap a girl’s ass. I myself took part in this behaviour. I’d give a chick a high five then slap her ass. That’s not okay. At all. Although I’ve only did this twice, once is too much.
I was full of hormones. I thought it was cool and funny. As did my male peers. Then, when she smiles, I assumed she liked it. I didn’t notice she walked faster and ducked her head down too. But soon after I noticed she turned a cold shoulder to me. I analyzed myself and I realized what I did was wrong. What I did may not seem like much. But it’s still not right. Unless given consent, you should never touch someone. And a female shouldn’t touch a man unless he gives her his consent either. That’s equally as wrong.
That’s rape culture right there.
So I’m conscious about how I interact with women. I know my boundaries. Unless I’m given an okay. I won’t touch a woman. That’s how it should be.
Respect each other’s personal space. Be aware of what makes that person uncomfortable. Be mindful of what you do. You don’t know what someone has gone through.